For many women, when they go through menopause, one of the biggest issues that you hear about are the daily hot flashes and night sweats. This is very distressing for many women, maybe even you. There is also another challenge that many women face during the ‘change’ that is often not talked about, and that is the loss of their libido. It seems to have taken a hike. Do you feel this way? If so, you are not alone and many women and their partners suffer from loss of intimate connection as a result of their lack of sex drive. It can also be a source of great tension in a relationship, particularly when their partner’s libido is ready for action.
We hear lots about male sex drive. They either want a lot of sex, or they need drug to enhance their potency and to start things up. And it’s no secret that as men get a bit older, they may need to use some sort of supplement to help things along. But what about women, where is their secret drug?
Women’s libido is more than about a pill, so finding your lost libido will take some effort. It is a challenge to find once it is lost, but there is hope. You just need to know what tools you will need to find it again. Just because you are going through menopause does not mean that you have to accept that losing your libido is part of the deal. It does not have to be. All humans have a deep desire to connect throughout their entire lives.
There are some things that will reduce the female sex drive, and fortunately, none of them are untreatable! Not surprisingly, hormone imbalance is the most common cause of lower sex drive. Lack of estrogen can cause vaginal dryness. Needless to say, this can be torture for women during intercourse. That reason can turn you off from wanting to have sex. Progesterone and testosterone can lessen your desire to have sex and to reach an orgasm. Furthermore, many women are just plain burned out in the form of adrenal fatigue. This occurs after years of chronic stress and trying to be a super woman. This results in low cortisol that leads to chronic fatigue and low libido.
Okay, you might be thinking, great tips, but is there a pill I can take? This sounds like a lot of work. For women, rediscovering their sex drive isn’t as easy as taking a small pill a few hours before intercourse. But it’s not impossible to regain your sex drive and enjoy sex with all the exuberance that you did before. Here are some tips that might help:
6 Tips To Regain Your Lost Libido
1. Talk To Your Health Care Provider
Don’t automatically assume that hormone replacement therapy is going to be your best bet if you are perimenopausal or menopausal. See your health care provider to discuss options and rule out possible problems. Look for the root cause instead of just covering up your symptoms. Get your hormones tested and evaluated to make sure you don’t have any under lying health conditions that may be contributing to your low sex drive that has taken a hike.
2. Work On Emotions
Your emotional health and your state of mind have a direct impact on your desire for sex and your libido. Women’s emotions drive everything that they do. If there is something bothering you, to just block it out is not the right way; it can easily get in the way of your libido. Recognize this aspect of your libido and work on addressing your emotional baggage. Working with a therapist or using emotion-releasing activities such as Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or Tapping may be helpful. Energy work can also help clear emotional blocks such as Reiki, Healing Touch, and Meditation. Even journaling can help you unlock repressed emotions.
3. Relax
Stress is a major player in wreaking havoc with sex drive. Explore the many ways available to reduce stress in your life. Exercise, meditate, pray, write in a journal, take time each day for YOU, get a massage once a week, take a walk in the park, see a counselor, and take a yoga class to help balance your energy. You get the idea? Find ways to relax, even if it’s for ten minutes a day.
4. See A Nutritionist
Make sure your diet is correct for your needs. Also, ask about vitamin, mineral, and/or herbal supplements that may help.
5. Be Sexy
So, you might not be 20 any longer, you can still be sexy and hot. Go out with some girl friends to shop for a new outfit or lingerie that makes you feel sexy. Freshen your hairstyle, put on a sexy fragrance, and light some candles. It’s amazing, small changes like these can make wonders. Have a date night!
6. Communicate
Communication is very, very important. Your partner can’t read your mind. Your partner probably has no idea what’s going on. Be open and honest. Let your partner know what you need to help things along. Maybe you need some time and understanding until the hormones or supplements kick in. Maybe you need to see a couple’s counselor. Do your best to communicate openly.
It is pretty clear that hormone changes can contribute to the loss of your libido, but there is more to it than that. Here are some additional causes of reduced sex drive in women.
7 Causes Of Reduced Libido In Women
1. Stress
Stress is one of the major causes of lack of sex drive for women. When a woman is suffering from stress, her body is robbed of many of the essential building blocks it uses to produce hormones. When you are over-stressed, your body will try to protect itself and conserve energy rather than seek pleasure.
2. Hormones
As women enter perimenopause and menopause, hormones fluctuate wildly. Hormonal imbalances are often accompanied by other symptoms such as hot flashes, mood swings, and weight gain. Women often just don’t feel sexy when experiencing these symptoms. It is interesting to note that human females need their own pheromones (sexual arousal and attraction) to feel turned on. If the pheromones aren’t there, it’s more difficult to be in the mood.
3. Appropriateness
Some women have been given the impression that once you get to ‘a certain age’, your sex life is over. It’s no longer appropriate to consider yourself a sexual being. Don’t buy it. Your sexuality is a state of mind. We are sexual beings and that does not have to change when you reach a certain age or phase in life.
4. Diet
Poor nutrition or very low-fat diet are horrible for sex drive. The body needs lipids (found in healthy fats) to make hormones. Driving cholesterol down too low can speed the aging process as your body will be starved of what it needs to make your hormones. What you feed your body nutritionally will have a direct impact on your energy and your sex drive.
5. Issues With Spouse/Partner
Sometimes the stress of a relationship that isn’t working well, dampens sexual desire. Often, this happens after many years when the woman finally enters perimenopause or menopause and her feelings about “how life should be” begin to change. Behavior that was tolerated in the past is now resented. Menopause is a time of reflection. You are tired of settling, making compromising, or living in a situation that no longer serves you. Many women will exit relationships at this time or refuse to have intercourse, if they choose to remain in a strained relationship.
6. Physical Changes
As women age, changes take place in the vagina causing thinning and dryness. This can cause pain during intercourse, so a woman may begin to dread sex because of the pain. This is where you want to talk to your partner, but also your health care provider. There are options to help relieve vaginal dryness and also finding other ways to enjoy the pleasure of sex.
7. Being Single
Some women find themselves being single after ending a relationship and the prospect of dating is just too overwhelming. So they avoid it and give up on having a sex life. Or they may become so excited about finally being out of a bad relationship that they feel “free” to try out several relationships searching for something and end up without it. Take time to love yourself before seeking it outside of yourself.
There is hope. You can find your libido again. It does not need to be on a hike forever.
